“If you are at that point in the date, then a great way to segue towards sex in a tactful way is to ask your date how important they feel sexual compatibility is in a relationship. “If you’re sharing what you’re looking for in a relationship or what you have learned from your previous life experiences, then you might have the green light to probe a bit further,” he says. In any case, New York-based therapist Daniel Olavarria advises you wait until the conversation becomes personal in other ways, which can be right off the bat or after a few dates, depending on the person.
![good gay men sex position good gay men sex position](http://cdn.iflscience.com/images/d0f35a7f-75e7-5543-b1c4-15167805f856/default-1513085806-cover-image.jpg)
Ben Kline, who voted post-date, pre-sex believes, “One should allow a little fun and mystery, to see if there’s even a connection and/or spark, before worrying positional politics.” The other two being “before the date” (34%) and “post-date, pre-sex” (56%). In seeking public opinion, I published a poll on Twitter and was surprised to find that asking one’s positional preference “on the date” was the least popular option of the three offered, with 10% of the vote. “If a deeper relationship is desired, I encourage clients to think about what they’re seeking, since compromise for long-term relationships can be quite satisfying and lead to more matches one might not have considered previously.”Īs for when this conversation should be breached, there is no designated time period. But, he adds, the question can be limiting if seeking a partner.
![good gay men sex position good gay men sex position](https://cdn.images.dailystar.co.uk/dynamic/166/photos/580000/936x622/1536580.jpg)
“If someone wants to have casual sex, it’s a perfectly legitimate question to ask right away,” Patrick David Tully, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in working with gay men seeking deeper relationship satisfaction, tells NewNowNext. To start, each agreed: The answer is dependant on the culture of the environment (where you are, how you met, etc.), so, unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.
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Because not every circumstance where this question is pertinent occurs online, I’ve reached out to a couple of experts on how to best approach the conversation. While submissive tops and dominant bottoms certainly exist, this is another layer-albeit different-of sexual compatibility.īut enough about me. The same issues present themselves with partners who take a more dominant role in the bedroom. For instance, if a bottom tends to take on a submissive role during sex, these influences can be reflected in everyday behaviors (i.e. I also believe positional preference can impact qualities outside of the bedroom.
![good gay men sex position good gay men sex position](https://www.pinknews.co.uk/images/2014/07/Mormon-6.jpg)
In my mind, nobody has the time or money to invest in a date only to discover you’re both tops or bottoms. Modern dating is all about convenience and instant gratification. After an introduction and some banter, I’ll ask their preference (if it isn’t already revealed in their profiles, though even then someone who identifies as vers may be more inclined to top or bottom) and, depending on the answer, either cut the conversation short by wishing them luck in their search or figure out where to go from there. I’m fairly forthright and meet most dates on the apps, where asking such a question is more casual and expected. I posted a poll on Twitter asking if positional preference would present a problem with a crush, and the majority (73%) said that they would try their best to make things work, depending on a number of factors, like whether the person will switch positions on occasion, how much you like them, and so on.īecause it’s a priority for me, I tend to ask the question straight out of the gate. If a prospective partner and I were static in our positional preferences, I would likely view that as a sign that we are not compatible in every aspect of our partnership, and that would likely impact my enthusiasm in taking things further.Įvidently, I’m in the minority. It’s a dilemma I personally struggle with because sex is important to me, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life having charitable intercourse.įor me, It’s a question that both precedes a one-night stand and is an important component of a serious relationship. You don’t want to offend anybody with the presumption of sex, but you also want to know that you will be sexually compatible. But for gay men, determining if you’re sexually compatible requires you to ask a very personal question: “Are you a top, bottom, or vers?”īecause dating is outrageously nuanced and there is no set of rules to abide by (multiply that by 10 if you’re queer!), it can be difficult to determine when such a question is appropriate and how it should be phrased. Sexual chemistry is important for any relationship.